Stage 1 - Training day 1

Day 171

Today was Bill and Junes first day of school. Day 1 of 5 adoption classes.

Going into that first day of training they really weren't sure what to expect. In the end it turned out to be a great experience. They met 4 other couples who were starting their adoption journey, and immediately knew they were amongst a group of people who would become a fantastic support for each other on their journeys.

The training covered a lot more about the process, particularly how the matching process worked which they found exceptionally valuable. Each day of training was due to have a guesst speaker. For the first session this was someone who adopted previously and came to share their story. The guest shared their experience with the process, and told the group about how they had had a very long stage 1 (11 months!) but then a normal length stage 2 and fast matching after panel. The whole group loved hearing about their experience. It also cannot be understate how valuable it was to just to meet and talk to people who were going through the same things and understand what it was like.

Day 178

Day 2 of adoption training today. In this session the guest speaker was going to be Emily, an adopted child.

Emily had been adopted in the 60s, and shared her story with the group about what it was like growing up knowing she was adopted, but not having the openness to discuss it as a family that is encouraged now. The way this had impacted her was a really interesting insight into how it hurt her self identity etc and why it’s so important to have proper conversations about adoption as part of the child’s story.

The rest of the day was about child development. Something Bill and June had both studied previously but felt like a really great refresher for them both. The group also talked about attachment theory which was new to Bill and topic he found particularly interesting. The group also completed an exercise about what makes us us, after completing a "Map of me" they were then shuffled around, each member of the group was given someone else’s map to review how they would adapt picking up that persons life. Bill noted in his diary about what an insightful way it was to make us experience what it can be like for an adopted child. As this can be what it fells like to them when they moving into their adoptive families - picking up someone elses life.

The group also setup a dedicated WhatsApp group to stay in touch - something that has been so valuable for everyone to be able to share their joy, and frustrations, as they continue on their journey. Also provided a route to support from people that they all got to know well throughout their training.

Day 199

Day 3 of the adoption training. During earlier sessions of training the group had been encouraged not to vilainise birth parents. That they were an importnant part of the process, and so often were not entirely at fault. For this session the groups guest speaker was Fiona, a birth mother who had her first two children taken into care and subsequently were adopted. Since then Fiona has had a third child who has been able to remain in her care.

Fiona's story was a really emotional one, that would stay with all of the group. It touched on her own childhood, how she fell in with a “bad crowd”, and how this ultimately lead to her being in a manipulative and abusive relationship with someone who fathered her first two children. The birth father was also the root cause for her having those children removed from her care. We won't try and reproduce her story here, it is her's to share not ours. Everyone in attendence suddnely understood what it meant to not villainise birth parents, and how it was possible for people to find themselves in positions that lead to their children being removed despite the birth parents doing what they felt was right to protect themselves and their families.

The rest of the day was about behaviour and more about the adoption process. Bill and June didn't find the activities as engaging as previous days, but still felt it was an interesting session that helped get you into the adopted child’s mindset.

The group also spent time talking about what the rest of the adoption journey looks like for adopters, and that was eye opening. None of them realised that the first part of stage two was to book their panel date and that everything else was worked out backwards from that. This filled the room with excitement as they all approached the end of stage one and would soon know when their panel dates would be.

Day 206

Day 4 of adoption training. This session focussed on early permanence and adopting siblings. The session was less activity based and much more conversational that previous sessions which the group really enjoyed. Bill and June also got to meet Helen, their social worker, in person for the first time.

Day 213